An American Girl in Washington

A Single Girl’s Christmas

Posted in All about moi by AGinDC on 22 December 2010

This Christmas I’ll be sitting alone in my room in at The Palace, drinking Three Buck Chuck, eating pizza and watching sad movies.  It’s not so bad.  At least I won’t be working.

Local Department Store has been crazy the last few days.  I guess this is to be expected, but never having worked at a large department store during the holidays, I really didn’t know what I was in for.  One thing that’s surprised me is just how unhappy people seem to be around the holidays.  There are very few people who are buying gifts because they want to.  Most are buying things because they have to.  This is especially true of the men, who will often pick the first thing I point out without giving it a second glance, as if as long as it’s jewelry and within their budget, the girl will just have to be happy with it.  On the one hand, this is incredibly depressing.  I have never been a big fan of Christmas for a lot of reasons (children of divorce usually feel a certain way about the holidays) but this year I’ve realized that I would rather not get a gift at all than get it from someone who is giving it begrudgingly.

On the other hand.

Part of me is constantly jealous of all of the girls who are getting gifts from someone this year.  Even the men who would rather be watching SportsCenter reruns are buying something (and a piece of jewelry at that) for a girl because they care about her.  Or they don’t want to get divorced.  And then there are guys like Captain (so called because he shares a name with a certain dreamy Star Trek icon).  Captain is very cute, in my favourite preppy grad school well-mannered young man kind of way.  He also has a girlfriend who he clearly loves, because he spent two long days at LDS looking at every single piece of jewelry in every single case until he found the perfect gift for her.  I have never seen someone so dedicated to finding something enchanting for the girl he loves, and the necklace he finally picked out was absolutely beautiful.  I was so jealous I could have died.  It’s hard enough helping all of these people pick out the perfect gift for someone when you know you’re not getting anything from anyone, it’s even harder when a wonderful guy your age is picking something wonderful for his probably wonderful girlfriend.

Bah Humbug.

The year that began with so much promise for me is ending in shame and failure and I know that has a lot to do with why I’m so angry at the world right now.  I’m scared, broke, jobless, and alone and every time I talk to my mother on the phone she cries because I’m not coming home for Christmas.  I have great friends but they have their own lives and in the end I always have to face the world alone.  And mostly I’m fine.  But now that I’m a grown-up, I understand all of those sad ass Christmas songs about why being alone during the holidays sucks.  This year, I’m drinking my way through the Yuletide.  Maybe by the 26th I’ll have forgotten that this season even happened at all.

Hope you’re having a better Christmas than I am!

AGinDC

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