An American Girl in Washington

A stream of consciousness review of RHofDC: Episodes 6 & 7

Posted in Real Housewives of DC by AGinDC on 24 September 2010

These two episodes made me question, yet again, the sanity of anyone who volunteers for a reality TV show.  The mind reels.  (Salahis, I’m not talking to you.  You, I get.)  Anyways, my pen was moving like a fat girl watching a Tae Bo infomercial.

So here goes.

Episode 6:

That biometric lock is why I’m not having children of the female variety.  Orrrr… I’ll just discipline them.  Yeah, that’ll work.

7 years!  Honey, it’s not working.

Stacie!  Nooooo!! Do not get caught up with these people!

Nothing to say about Lynda.  This storyline just is not interesting when she’s sober.

I wonder how in debt M & T are.

Yes, Stacie, that’s my question too.  Who are they stealing from?

Yeah right, they don’t know 200-250 people.  Who are they throwing these parties for?  The cops who keep showing up on their doorstep?

Puh-lease.  You can’t afford no $12 million house.

Stacie is so smart, I’m using her when I make my millions and get a DC house.  Well, if I ever leave The Palace, which is unlikely.

I’m starting to see why C7C got divorced.  She blames his absence for everything.  She needs a butler, not a husband.

Is anyone surprised that Lynda consults an astrologer?  Yeah, me either.

Judaism AND astrology?  I guess she’s got her bases covered.  Why does she need a guard dog?

Did Stacie see their finances before they got in that obnoxious, over the top limousine?   Oh wait, here we go.  Of course not.

Ummmm… no Michaele.  That shit is not normal family “dysfunction”.

Look at Tareq’s face, he can’t afford shit.

Wait, how is it still free if she has a biometric lock on it?  Oh, she’s NOT CLOSING THE DOOR.  That’s too hard?  Really?

That mirror makes the closet look waaay bigger than it is.

Oh Mary, that’s a cute way of saying you hate a characteristic in your hubby.

Men Against Breast Cancer.  LOVE it.

Mary is TOASTED!

Poor Cat.

Christopher is totally freaked out right now.

This is why the children of single mothers mature so quickly.  Our mothers talk to us like we’re their spouses.

No surprise that Tareq was a bad seed.

So again, where is the wine they keep serving actually from?  I’m telling you, illegals with cases of Three Buck Chuck are chillin’ in the decrepit barn, pouring them into Oasis bottles that they’ve been reusing since 1983.

How were you raised Michaele?  I would really like to know.

Thus ends Episode 6.  Moving on.

Episode 7:

Love Cat’s belt in this scene!  Too bad their marriage isn’t holding up as well as those pants.

She’s not going with him to his brother’s WEDDING??

I can see that this marriage is hard, he’s gone so often he may as well be in the Navy.  But she had to know what she was getting into.

Shocker!  Not at all surprised that MS was a football cheerleader.

Wait, she’s not getting this.  How was she smart enough to be a cheerleader?

She is clearly the girl who was always told that she’s beautiful so she doesn’t need to be smart or have any marketable skills.

I like Erika because she’s honest.  Cat is a bitch.  Tell it like it is.

Oh this is a dangerous game.  I love that Cat’s kids are the only ones rude enough to guess.

Damn, now I hate Stacie and Mary.  How can you not support gay marriage?  Do you also support sweatshops and selling children on the internet?

Hahahaha, she FAKED IT?  What?  I have to Google this.  PAUSE!

Oh this chick has balls:

http://www.politico.com/click/stories/0911/salahi_poses_as_redskins_cheerleader.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/02/AR2009120203781.html

Ok, back to the show.

That’s true Stacie but people should let Mary be a parent.  Nobody likes to be told how to raise their children and it’s none of your business.  Raise your own damn kids.

Why is Erika not a cast member on this show?  She’s perfect for it.  Way more drama than Stacie.  Next season they should switch.

Why Lynda, why do you have to say something?

And Stacie, why don’t you stand up for your friend??

WHAT???  No Cat, you’re a bitch and Erika is totally justified in hating you.  Every interaction we’ve seen between you two has shown Cat being a racist bitch in front of her.  Why would she like her?

I don’t care if your husband has abandoned you, you either have manners or you don’t.  You either have class or you don’t.  And Cat, you don’t.

Why do they all act like Cat’s husband being absent is an excuse to be crazy?  If she’s so bored, why doesn’t she get a JOB???  It’s really not that hard to find something to do with your life.

Uh-oh, this gay rights meeting is going to make me angry, I can already tell.

Yaay Lynda!!

Yaay Cat!!  But I still hate you.

Really Mary???  I think Paul’s face says it all.

Religion?  Really?  So you’re going to impose that on people through the LAW?  I’m sorry, when did we get up and leave AMERICA?  You live in the damn CAPITAL!

Aaaand now I hate Jason and Stacie.  Hate.

I don’t understand how Stacie can be against gay marriage when they’re using the same arguments that people used fifty years ago to keep marriage between blacks and whites illegal.  I mean, that’s the reason she was given up for adoption.  And now she’s doing the same thing to someone else?  WTF?

No Paul, you shouldn’t have to be friends with them.  How can you be close to people who don’t think you deserve basic human rights?

I wonder if the producers have asked for Erika to be around?

YES!  IT IS DIRECTLY RELEVANT TO YOUR LIFE!

This shit is why I don’t go to church.

It sounds like Stacie knows what’s right but is hung up on the same bullshit the black community has been raised on for years.  Do the right thing Stacie.  Don’t raise your kids to be bigots too.

Ummm… this conversation is clearly heavily edited because Paul’s champagne glass keeps filling and emptying over and over again.  Either that or he is seriously throwing them down.

What’s going on with this Salahi house-buying thing?  Did they give up?

Michaele and Heidi Montag should be friends.

Wait, Bankrupt AGAIN???  Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Really?  Tareq is some sort of Virginia winery leader?  Yeah, and I’m the ex-President of the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Yaay Mary!  Way to see the light!

Also, I freaking love Lolly.

OMG Mary, really?  You can’t remember the constitution?  How much wine have you had darlin’?

Why do all of the conversations turn back to the Salahis?  Are the producers scripting that?

Yeah, I’m surprised by that too.

Why is that painting blurred out?

Wow, they really need money bad.  A tell all?

No, you’re going to sneak in somewhere and hope to meet POTUS before you get arrested.  Don’t get it twisted M.

Hahahaha… you need the advance and you have no talent!

Ohhhh, they don’t want to share the storyline.  Everything is all about them.  That’s a ballsy ghostwriter to even suggest it though.

M looks really old in this scene.

Yes!!  The next show is the one we’ve been waiting for!  They must know this is coming, that’s why they’re trying to get all of this publicity now.

As always, this episode ends with the Salahis.  Like it or not, they do provide the most drama.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about them getting all of this publicity for their craziness, plus M is hosting the Today show in a few days or something and they’re getting as famous as the villains usually do.  But then I thought, this is why reality TV was made.  I don’t want to see normal people.  I am normal people.  I wants to see the crazy.  And if they’re in TV Land, they’re far away from me.  Which is the way it should be.  So, go head on Salahis.  Host your today show and write your sad little book and host your “Ask the Salahis” chat sessions (no, I’m not kidding).  Stay in that world and out of mine.  And that goes for all the crazies.

Til next time,

AGinDC

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